‘Looners’ get turned on by balloons — I’ve learnt to never pop without warning

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I’ll never forget when a local subscription-platform model asked if I wanted to rent a studio to collaborate with her on some photos and videos. So far, so simple.

Creators on these platforms consume content with the appetite and speed of a voracious monster: you have to post every single day, which means around 50 photos and three videos a week.

I’ve been at it for five years now. Could you think of that many things to do with your body alone? I doubt it. Collaborations are the way forward.

It turned out this model, Kim, was a “looner” — that is, she caters to the balloon fetishist market, which is enormous and growing.

Looners love the sound, scent, and sensation of balloons. Kim explained that many of them link their interest to something that happened in childhood. Balloons are often present at our most intense memories, whether celebratory or frightening.

Many people develop balloon phobias as children; others transform those intense sensations into erotic fascination. See also: clowns and dolls — all cut from the same creepy but oddly intriguing cloth.

Balloons also possess a sensual element. They are visually stimulating and noisy, while the smooth, stretchy latex feel has a long history of turning people on.

And I can see how balloons are strangely sensual. They shine, they squeak, they stretch. Latex has always been provocative — corsets, catsuits, gloves, condoms — so why not balloons? They’re the corset’s cheekier, more playful cousin.

So, armed with that knowledge, we met up to fulfill some looner fantasies.

It was a fun, tiny space, filled with props, cages, and thrones. We made some videos for my page where she dressed as a cat and lapped milk from my heels. Then it was time to loon.

Kim wanted me to pose with her and a dozen enormous balloons she’d been gifted. We bounced on them, rolled on them, threw them at each other.

She had to inflate them because my lung collapsed a few years back and still doesn’t have the strength a committed looner might desire. So I watched admiringly as Kim huffed and puffed.

She has an ample bust that swelled and bounced impressively as the balloons slowly, squeakily grew. I can see why looners might enjoy that part of the process. The rest is more of a mystery.

I imagine they incorporate balloons into their own private play — rubbing them against themselves, perhaps placing body parts inside them — but I can’t be sure. Neither can Kim; she never meets her fans in person.

We did not, however, pop the balloons while filming. There is a significant divide in the looner community between poppers and non-poppers — some live for the pop, others are terrified and appalled by it.

All looner content must carry trigger warnings, or popper warnings. There are also semi-poppers, who enjoy the occasional pop, but for them it’s usually more about anticipation — the thrill of will-they-won’t-they. It’s essentially the squeaky version of edging.

For balloon enthusiasts, the emotional response to the pop is crucial. It’s about reaction to risk, tension, and release — a squeaky metaphor for climax or catastrophe.

After posing with Kim and appearing on her social pages, I was inundated with the most extraordinary messages. The looner community can rival spanking enthusiasts for sheer intensity of fixation.

“Do you like balloons? Do you rub against them? Do you have balloons in your house right now? Do you pleasure yourself with balloons?”

I’m still not entirely sure what that would involve.

I begged Kim to untag me. She obliged, and over time the messages faded. I respect her passion and commitment completely but don’t feel capable of matching it.

She knows her audience — and delivers squeak for squeak.

Her 800 subscribers pay just $11 a month, earning her roughly $108,000 a year, give or take. She’s gifted most of her balloons too, so her expenses are minimal — that income is almost pure profit.

Me? I’ll stick to my cane collection. It was an interesting experience, but dealing with hundreds of balloon-themed messages a day? I’ll leave that to Kim.

Back to posting solo videos, wielding a strap and looking menacing. I know my audience too.